Hey Y'all!
It's been quite a while since my last post, and for that, I apologize. As a few of you may know, I started graduate school at Northwestern University shortly after completing my Bike and Build journey, and it's been a whirlwind ever since. I've been busier with school than I have ever been in my life - I feel like I'm struggling to keep my head above water most days, and the struggle. is. real. Stress has always been a fickle friend of mine, and like a middle school bully, it likes to bring around a gang: comprised of insecurity, discomfort, and for me, disordered thoughts and feelings.
I have been in recovery for almost 4 years from my eating disorder. The steps I took in recovery were some of the hardest I've ever had to take, and I consider my recovery to be my most formative life experience. But it's not over. Like many people that have struggled with an eating disorder, lapses (and sometimes relapses) occur. These lapses can be triggered by a host of things including a thoughtless remark, media that promotes the thin ideal, stress, a change in environment, etc. For me, the transition to NU was extremely challenging, and I've been faced with triggers with uncanny frequency. Stress and the burden of expectation are particularly difficult for me, and graduate school seems to be made of the stuff.
By practicing reflective and non-judgmental observation, I've come to realize that the pervasive lack of education surrounding eating disorders, fat-talk/muscle-talk, media literacy, and body-image causes significant problems. People simply don't understand why some of the things they say are harmful, and even the most well-intentioned remarks can be triggering to someone that has been,currently is,or is at risk of developing an eating disorder or disordered eating.
So what do you do?
If you're someone that can relate to this, stop. Breathe. Remember that recovery is your number one priority no matter what. School can wait, Friends can wait, Your job can wait. Your happiness and health comes FIRST. Take the time that you need to take care of yourself.
Reach out to your support network (including your professional treatment team!) tell them that you're having a hard time and develop strategies to deal with stressful situations. Reaching out to them now, may help you process particularly challenging days later on.
Remember that people say silly things. Almost always, they just don't understand. What you learned in recovery from your professional treatment team is the truth. Self-acceptance, love, and appreciation are always "right."
Help your friends understand what is harmful and what helps. Be honest with them. They love you and want to support you - but you have to help them help you. Eating disorders are complicated, and without direction, more silly things can be said, and things will only get worse. Consult your treatment for suggestions on what may be helpful, or encourage them to attend an Embody Carolina training if they're in the triangle area.
Make a bulletin board, Pinterest board, or just cover your walls with body-positive messages, messages of acceptance, and things that just make you laugh. Combat the bullshit with images and messages that resonate with you, and help you remember what recovery is all about - what the ultimate goal is. Freedom.
Compared to recovery, grad school is a piece of cake. I can do this, but I will also live my life to the fullest remembering that no number, including a GPA, can ever define me.
If you are having a particularly hard time, reach out to your treatment team or call the NEDA hotline at (800) 931-2237.
You are worthy. You are loved.
It's been quite a while since my last post, and for that, I apologize. As a few of you may know, I started graduate school at Northwestern University shortly after completing my Bike and Build journey, and it's been a whirlwind ever since. I've been busier with school than I have ever been in my life - I feel like I'm struggling to keep my head above water most days, and the struggle. is. real. Stress has always been a fickle friend of mine, and like a middle school bully, it likes to bring around a gang: comprised of insecurity, discomfort, and for me, disordered thoughts and feelings.
I have been in recovery for almost 4 years from my eating disorder. The steps I took in recovery were some of the hardest I've ever had to take, and I consider my recovery to be my most formative life experience. But it's not over. Like many people that have struggled with an eating disorder, lapses (and sometimes relapses) occur. These lapses can be triggered by a host of things including a thoughtless remark, media that promotes the thin ideal, stress, a change in environment, etc. For me, the transition to NU was extremely challenging, and I've been faced with triggers with uncanny frequency. Stress and the burden of expectation are particularly difficult for me, and graduate school seems to be made of the stuff.
By practicing reflective and non-judgmental observation, I've come to realize that the pervasive lack of education surrounding eating disorders, fat-talk/muscle-talk, media literacy, and body-image causes significant problems. People simply don't understand why some of the things they say are harmful, and even the most well-intentioned remarks can be triggering to someone that has been,currently is,or is at risk of developing an eating disorder or disordered eating.
So what do you do?
If you're someone that can relate to this, stop. Breathe. Remember that recovery is your number one priority no matter what. School can wait, Friends can wait, Your job can wait. Your happiness and health comes FIRST. Take the time that you need to take care of yourself.
Reach out to your support network (including your professional treatment team!) tell them that you're having a hard time and develop strategies to deal with stressful situations. Reaching out to them now, may help you process particularly challenging days later on.
Remember that people say silly things. Almost always, they just don't understand. What you learned in recovery from your professional treatment team is the truth. Self-acceptance, love, and appreciation are always "right."
Help your friends understand what is harmful and what helps. Be honest with them. They love you and want to support you - but you have to help them help you. Eating disorders are complicated, and without direction, more silly things can be said, and things will only get worse. Consult your treatment for suggestions on what may be helpful, or encourage them to attend an Embody Carolina training if they're in the triangle area.
Make a bulletin board, Pinterest board, or just cover your walls with body-positive messages, messages of acceptance, and things that just make you laugh. Combat the bullshit with images and messages that resonate with you, and help you remember what recovery is all about - what the ultimate goal is. Freedom.
Compared to recovery, grad school is a piece of cake. I can do this, but I will also live my life to the fullest remembering that no number, including a GPA, can ever define me.
If you are having a particularly hard time, reach out to your treatment team or call the NEDA hotline at (800) 931-2237.
You are worthy. You are loved.