I was granted the opportunity to speak with a group of elementary and middle school girls enrolled in a Healthy Girls Save the World summer experience. I asked the girls to write down qualities that made their best friends special. The girls came up with amazing words - "caring," "brave," "smart," "fun," "unique," and on and on. I asked them to tell me about their friends out loud. It was incredible to see their eyes light up as they talked about their friends. Their excitement was so genuine that it was beautiful in a powerful way.
I probed further. "How many of you used words that described your friend's appearance?" Out of the dozens of words they had collectively shared, not a single one had anything to do with appearance at all.
We talked for a long time about how clear it was that we derive our value from who we are rather than what we look like. We talked about how sad it is that powerful forces try and tell us that our worth is dictated based on what we look like, how we dress, and what we choose to put in our bodies.
I asked them about bullies. They told me, as you might expect, that bullying is harmful, destructive, and simply wrong. I then asked - "well why do we bully ourselves?" We say things to ourselves that we wouldn't dream of saying to our friends. It's wrong to say it to them, so why is it acceptable to constantly internalize?
The reality is that it isn't.
Oftentimes the things you value in others are the same things others value and appreciate about you. Tearing down yourself is not only a disservice to yourself, but to those that love and care about you.
When you are putting yourself down - stop. Ask yourself if you would say it to a person that you love. 9/10 times (if not more) you'll end up changing what you were going to say, and will be all the better for it. You'll find yourself as more constructive and uplifting. Not only will you set more realistic and attainable goals, but you'll find it easier to extend the compassion you so readily extend to your friends to yourself. You deserve it.
I probed further. "How many of you used words that described your friend's appearance?" Out of the dozens of words they had collectively shared, not a single one had anything to do with appearance at all.
We talked for a long time about how clear it was that we derive our value from who we are rather than what we look like. We talked about how sad it is that powerful forces try and tell us that our worth is dictated based on what we look like, how we dress, and what we choose to put in our bodies.
I asked them about bullies. They told me, as you might expect, that bullying is harmful, destructive, and simply wrong. I then asked - "well why do we bully ourselves?" We say things to ourselves that we wouldn't dream of saying to our friends. It's wrong to say it to them, so why is it acceptable to constantly internalize?
The reality is that it isn't.
Oftentimes the things you value in others are the same things others value and appreciate about you. Tearing down yourself is not only a disservice to yourself, but to those that love and care about you.
When you are putting yourself down - stop. Ask yourself if you would say it to a person that you love. 9/10 times (if not more) you'll end up changing what you were going to say, and will be all the better for it. You'll find yourself as more constructive and uplifting. Not only will you set more realistic and attainable goals, but you'll find it easier to extend the compassion you so readily extend to your friends to yourself. You deserve it.