Happiness.
You know that horrendous Kate Moss quote: “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”? Well, aside from that being total and complete bullshit (and horribly offensive): happiness always feels better than the high provided by satiating the disorder and/or giving into the temptation of dieting/restriction.
My disorder made me miserable. I looked forward only to sleeping and dreaded waking up in the morning because the constant buzz of self hatred dominating my conscious hours tortured me. I hated myself, I hated my life, and I hated my body.
My body has changed since my disorder waned. Accepting it fully and unconditionally is not easy, and I, like most people, struggle with it. But in my moments of doubt - those moments when I look at myself and wish that I could change this, or tweak that, I think of old habits, the body I worked tirelessly achieve...and I stop. I think of what my life was like then, the price I paid for a body I didn’t even like, the body I abused...and I remember that, truly, happiness is beautiful.
I love my new life. I love the flexibility of “normal eating.” I love living to truly live, and not for a diet or a workout. I love my body because it is the vessel for my soul, it is the mechanism by which I explore and interact with the world. I love my body because it is the product of a life driven by passion, self-love, dreams, and the pursuit of happiness.
Love your body. Be happy with your body. Be happy with yourself. Truly, nothing looks* as good as happiness feels.
*Understand that Eating disorders are not determined solely by distorted body image, this is just to create a relevant parallel. The complexities surrounding the emergence of a disorder are many.